i havent cried all year.
i couldnt cry all year
now one well aimed sentance has the tears flowing with no sign of stopping anytime soon

i feel worthless
i feel like i dont deserve the pain i feel
i feel like im just a sook who has nothing to cry about

i dont have an ounce of strength left.
i cant keep going like this

i dont belong in this world of fantasies and dreams
i belong in a place where i cant hurt or annoy anyone
somewhere no-one will ever have to put up with me, or humor me'
hell even the people who say they wan me around seem to despise me
in my mind im everyones worst enemy

everyday i question
why the fuck am i this way
why cant i have a simple life?
why cant i be the fairy tale?
is there even a price charming out there for me?
or a beautiful princess?
is there anyone who can save me fromt he mess of me

today has not been a good day
its not hte sore muscles or the creepy guy behaviour
its hte lack of privacy, and not wanting to exist that got me
who knew the wizard of oz, instead of making me reminicant like i thought it would, made me want to disappear forever.
i thought my mother was going to read my notebook today.
no one reads my notebook.
parents dont get that i hate them hovering, i hate them talking about pointless bullshit every 2 minutes
i hate my mum dissing my friends
i hate my mum talking about shit she doesnt know
i hate my dad deciding im devestated about something i could care less about
i hate that they dont freaking get it at all

you could see right through this disguise if you bothered to look
every time you turn i think you've seen me slip up,
even though i do it constantly
you never notice
you think this is the way its suppossed to go

thnks fr the mmrs vn thgh thy wrnt s grt

you are seeing through the act
but are blind to what you see
you think its another bad day
another simple sad day
you cant bear to see that im crumbling worse then ever
you cant bear to see that behing the perfect exterior im breaking down
you dont noticwe you make things worse
you dont realise i cant always be your crutch
every stutter gives away my falling defenses,
yet you still accecpt im tired or im ok

i see less point in this every day.
i cant see a future, there is none for me

< title >

i think im bipolar
actually, ive thought that since i learnt what it was
it was weird this week having someone agree.

i cant see myself in my thirties.
i can only ever see a future for me in my twenties

i can see that im going to do something i'll regret soon
its like a train crash.
you can see it coming but you cant do a single thing to stop it