fuck
i dont even knwo how i try any more
i do have the motivation to do this
i dotn have the heart to give up
ims tuck here in limbo pretending i have dreams that can see me through
pretending i have people im telling the real deal too
i dont want to worry anyone, so i dont say everything i mean
no even reads this so i feel safe here
im breaking under a weight you cant bear to see

i write eulogies in mt mind
the words so sweet so sincere so wrong.

fuck this shit.
i cant deal with your emotional baggage as well as mine
your too wrapped up in your shallow ideas to notice the cried for help

HELP ME!

i am worthless
i am useless
i am talentless
i am ugly
i am fat
i do not deserve anythign i have
i drag others down to my hell
you're better off without me
i am a loser

when i said i've been self depreciating lately, you have no idea to what extent
i feel like the only reason im still going is because i couldnt put themthrough losing me, after everything they've been through.

cheerfullness is not my forte, nor is anything else
my whole existance is pointless. why the fuck do i even try anymore!?

fuck this world. is there space on mars for a broken girl and her best friend?

advice.
apparently im a good person to go to for advice.
this scares the fuck out of me.
i feel like im setting everyone i care about up for disaster.
what if my advice leads to something bad?
what if they get hurt?
what if they take my words to heart?
im so scared im going to fuck up someones life because they asked me for help.
im flattered people trust my judgement, im just not sure they should
if im so wise about these things why is my life so fucked up?
why should my point of veiw influence your life?
talking in cliches is my specialty.
who i turn to when i need advice?
the people whoe take it from me in piles?
the people who two seconds into discussion about me are happy to have the topic changed back to them?