so i wrote this today. it just came to me and i had to write it
what do you think?
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He hated this.

He hated that it had come to a point where he only saw these people at weddings and funerals.

Both were depressing.

The funerals were the worst though.

Everyone was gathered around saying goodbye to one more of them who’s live had been cut short.

There was little lively conversation, more solemn catch ups stating only facts, and keeping voices hushed.

Today he was going to a funeral.

Their group was small, so when they lost one of them, it was hard.

He silently showered letting the hot water wash over him, lingering there till the water ran cold.

He got dressed in his plain black suit he kept for only these occasions. He couldn’t bring himself to wear it any other time.

He combed his hair, but didn’t style it too much. He didn’t apply his trademark eyeliner.

He grabbed his keys and left.

He didn’t pull into his local starbucks like he usually did.

He got to the church and stopped to just look at the building. He always felt a million emotions looking at buildings like this. Even more so today.

He walked in and bypassed his usual seat for these events. Instead taking the seat the others had directed him to.

He zoned out.

Starring at the wall in front of him.

Staring at the decorations that were typical of a church.

Staring at everything but the casket.

He stood silently by the grave.

He watched as people dropped a rose into the grave where the casket resided.

He heard their words.

He stood there .

He stood there until they had all gone on to the wake.

He stood and finally looked at the casket.

He looked at the wooden box that held the boy he knew so well.

He picked up the single sunflower sitting beside him.

He shed a tear.

He gently laid the flower on the casket.

He shed another tear.

He walked away.

He arrived at the wake to hushed voices.

The same people were there as every funeral and wedding.

The same people who only a month ago were laughing and dancing in celebration of love.

They were grouped up and solemn.

And every one of them turned to face him as he entered.

They saw the pain in his eyes.

They offered him hug.

They offered him food.

They offered him a shoulder to cry on.

He left without any of these.

He went home.

He got changed out of his funeral suit and into his pyjamas.

He curled up into the bed that was two big for one small man.

He cried.

He cried and cried.

He asked why?

Why take the boy away from him?

Why take his husband?

Why take the love of his life?

Why take the only boy who made him smile?

Why take away his sunshine?

He cried.

He cried for the pain of losing his Brendon.

He cried until he passed out.


He woke up cold alone.

Ryan had to face a new day without him.