fuck
i dont even knwo how i try any more
i do have the motivation to do this
i dotn have the heart to give up
ims tuck here in limbo pretending i have dreams that can see me through
pretending i have people im telling the real deal too
i dont want to worry anyone, so i dont say everything i mean
no even reads this so i feel safe here
im breaking under a weight you cant bear to see

i write eulogies in mt mind
the words so sweet so sincere so wrong.

fuck this shit.
i cant deal with your emotional baggage as well as mine
your too wrapped up in your shallow ideas to notice the cried for help

HELP ME!

i am worthless
i am useless
i am talentless
i am ugly
i am fat
i do not deserve anythign i have
i drag others down to my hell
you're better off without me
i am a loser

when i said i've been self depreciating lately, you have no idea to what extent
i feel like the only reason im still going is because i couldnt put themthrough losing me, after everything they've been through.

cheerfullness is not my forte, nor is anything else
my whole existance is pointless. why the fuck do i even try anymore!?

fuck this world. is there space on mars for a broken girl and her best friend?

advice.
apparently im a good person to go to for advice.
this scares the fuck out of me.
i feel like im setting everyone i care about up for disaster.
what if my advice leads to something bad?
what if they get hurt?
what if they take my words to heart?
im so scared im going to fuck up someones life because they asked me for help.
im flattered people trust my judgement, im just not sure they should
if im so wise about these things why is my life so fucked up?
why should my point of veiw influence your life?
talking in cliches is my specialty.
who i turn to when i need advice?
the people whoe take it from me in piles?
the people who two seconds into discussion about me are happy to have the topic changed back to them?

6 months ago, i built up to the first concert by my favoutie band. i was stuck half way back in the room, but it wtill was an amazing experience. friday i see them again, and this time i'll be dammed if im not as close as humanly possible.

its crazy that this bad, can stir so many emotions in me. when i see them live its llike a dream come true. when i hear their songs ont eh radio, tv or even in shops, i feel like a proud parent whose child has just won an award.

i cant even desirbe what listening to their music makes em feel. its like a million emotions without descriptions or names and antoher million i can name. they give me chills

the crazy part is, no matter how insane pete wentz actions get, i cant hate him, when hes a part of amking this music.

i love that im one of the kids who could tell you everything you never wanted to know about four boys from chicargo while i live on the other side of the world.

i love those boy, their music and their spirit

i post here because i know no-one cares

how do i explain this. it seems so stupid some times and valid a moment later.
there are very very few people who i trust to actually be there and care.
there are very few people i say im friends with who i barely know or want to
just because you cant see the scars doesnt mean they arent there
if i lied to you, you wouldnt know or care
if i told the truth you'd think it was a joke or over dramaticised
maybe oneday you'll get it, maybe oneday it will stop mattering to me

boys will be boys baby

washing dishes can be surprisingly calming
boys are a pain in the ass though.
ingnoring me's worse then sayig no, and bitchy looks from unknown sluts dont improove me mood
also whats with the ex asking about my place of work?!
tughjvbnhmgdyjtghbng
shitty day.
hopefully some good company can help where cup cakes and chocolate failed

tree tops and coffee pots

i love nothing more then sitting at my keyboard and typing away idlely. it allows me to clear my mind and escape a little bit. the words just come without any real thought but whats left on the page is heart and soul pure and true. but when i set out to write something and put my very being on the line, the words seem to forced the sentances dont flow.

“im amazed that im talking to you, like the songs you grew up with come true”

relief is a funny emotion, when it appears if often doesnt last. it turns to something else rather quickly

fuct makes my heart swell and reminds me of the magic music brings