i dont know what scares me more.
the fact so many i care about are falling and i cant be there to make all the pain and hate go away, or to give them a hug and say i understand without it being cheap and fake thanks to the internet
or the fact my eyes keep wondering to the cubord that holds my own possible escape route.
im scared to let the words flow out right now
im affraid of what i think and say
who the hell have i become
wheres the me i used to be? where the girl who knew how to have fun, who didnt feel awkward with her best friends, who wanted laugh and cry andlive?
what happened to life? when did it become a chore? when did i stoip wanting a tomorrow?
when did i move into a fantasy land that was easier and safer then dealing with this place
numbness isnt theright term. its the chill that wont go away. a flower blooms and then it dies. the cirlce of life wasnt ment to be fair, im someones dinner before im dead. curled up in world that doesnt understnad dinoasur blankets make things safer, but make cant stop the lingering of eyes.
songs from the past on repeat. it was introduced because it was a winner. i love it for the words. for the fact the music makes me feel. i never felt when i danced it. now i feel it.
time has no pattern anymore, hours gone without it passing. when did life become about emils, dvds and books? when did i need to work to get out.when did i run out of conversation with those i can talk to for hours
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