that was awkward
i sat there while you faced off
a silent war was taking place
i was stuck in the middle a ploy in your attack
i wanted to disappear
you tried to make chit chat which proved what i had always suspected
you never listen to me
you refuse to believe that i might know what's best for me
you refuse to think of me as anything but a helpless little kid who needs her daddy to make all the choices and tell her how its done
i legally recognised as old enough to know what i want
i am intelligent to be responsible for myself
why wont you let go
why cant you hear me screaming i love you but don't like you at all

when was the last time you considered jumping off a bridge?
or falling face first into a rive and staying there
or "borrowing" the parents medication and taking it all at once?
or getting one of the sharp kitchen knives
or walking out onto a freeway
or swerving the car into a tree

my dreams have me running scared
you are my hopeless nightmare
i dont believe in you
yet your every where i look

write me a melody
i have your song
this place is going down
and your on your own

hide behind a shield of lies
pain the flowers red and white
trace the scares of yesterday
draw the fears of sour sweets

every second i think its you
you always were one for surprises
today i looked through the glass
and saw it wasnt true

im writing you this silly song
to let you know im onto you
who need a hook when youve reeled me in
a poets lie just to begin

break my heart and hope to die
forever the flames of childrens eyes
a singers words straight to the heart
a tutu made from disaster

how do you exaplin whats lame
how do you trust the pain
tomorrow is another day
a world away we say goodbye

someplace somewhere we hold hands
a moment forgotten is the haze
the plan said we would be safe
drink to a life beyond fate

oh dear
i've got it bad
just an extended distance is killing me
the lack of contact is breaking me faster then i thought possible
i miss her
i miss her voice
her words
her arms
her lips
i never wanted to be this hooked on her
i never ment to end up like this, worrying, and pining
but i love you
i love you so fucking much
now i know why they say love hurts

just for the record the weather today is dark and overcast

todays satistic: one australian teen commits suicide every 4 days
my first thought: in four days it could be me
crashing down is harder when you'v ebeen flying so high
i'll play the role i write myself but i always killed the main characters off

im scared
ive never been in this deep
ive never been so lost in emotion
i love her.
her.
fuck. my parents have no idea i like hers let alone have a her
i dont know if i can tell them
but she means the world to me
i dont want my heart to be broken.
and i dont think it will be
i hope
im smilingmy heart is whole right now
its in her hands

i hate myself this very second
i dont know where im going
i knwo what i want
but i dont have the balls to go get it

i also and a stupid fuck who cant even be honest to herself
i dont want to mess with that shit
im happier on the edge
fuck you and your weed
why did i need a fucking wake up call to remind me?!
if i cant be honest with myself i dont deserve anyones respect
least of all my own

i cant do this anymore
i cant be the universes plything
i cant hold onto hope for a fate i dont deserve
i am worthless to the world
i cannot think of a single reason as to why i exist
not one reason
ive been wracking my brain all day
i. am. a. complete. waste. of. space.